Body image and who we are is a question each of us wakes up to each morning.
Am I where I want to be physically.
Do my thighs touch. Did they touch 20 years ago?
What or why does that matter?
After having three sons, I look at my body and think, on most days, what have I done.
I knew I was sinking and running out of time after my third was born and I was so tired, not only from raising them, and being a mom but from not knowing how to (A) separate from my children (B) how to exercise with my children. (C) work.. work out.. raise children.. how does this balance itself? Even though I nursed all my kids a super long time it never helped with the weight. I nursed for less than a year for baby 1. Nursed 2.5 years for baby 2. Then 9 months later had baby 3, who I nursed for 5 years. Private stories sure, context: I’ve given a lot, and in return, I have become, a different version of myself.
At this point in my life, and I do admit I have a few buckets of stored clothing, that are multiple sizes, I will keep them for now.
I’ve posed in various pictures over the years on the beach, in various bathing suites, and gotten my husband to take the photos. Who knows what he has thought, seeing his wife change shapes, mostly drastically.
Ive found old photos of me.. thinking wow. As we all do I am sure, of ourselves years ago. Though, remembering our beauty where we are now, is critical, for so many that one reasons. This is one reason why I still wear bathing suits and refuse to cover myself up. In fact, instead of flat out black, Ill go for colours. Ill do this for my sons. Ill do this for me. I want them to know they had a mom who was floral and loved vibrant things. I want them know the healthier versions of me but I want them to know me and that I love me for where and who I am now. That this version of me, is still me. That of course I want that former fit version. And Ill get there.
In the meantime I came across the Indigenous Goddess Gang and I think of goddesses all the time, what that means to be fully female and fully 100 percent into my feminine self. I’m glad to see other Indigenous women, unapologetic, and creatively loving themselves. It makes me feel content. It makes me feel love.
What does that look, feel, and sound like.
Yes, I have always taken lot of care for me.
And, at other times, appeared to be trying and not as much, but life, priorities, spaces, and times.
“I must be a mermaid… I have no fear of depths and a great fear of shallow living.”
Do check out, this:
Indigenous Goddess Gang