Lighting flickers & Bapee

 

I woke up to a huge summer storm coming in from the west. I woke up to flickers of lighting in the very very distance.. and the sky was heavy this morning. I was joined by our middle son on our couch as I wrote this, with my balcony doors open, and a watched as the storm blew by.

I got a book recently on Guides and it’s interesting. Somedays I have that desire where I got when I was first diagnosed with Bells Palsy (I’m in recovery still), but one of my self care pieces included going to the second hand store and getting a book, or books. Somedays they are 50% off so you can leave with books that usually would cost a lot for like under $5.00. I’ve always loved books for as long as I can remember, and books seem to be my thing.  These have become my self care go to thing.  I remember writing my thesis and the long lonely journey and reading Kovach and her quote on how we could consider her words company. I see books as a living thing.  We know they are books, but they engage us, which leads me back to the day before yesterday.

We were pretty shaken up from our previous day. I thought, well, what do you do in this scenario-  even the kids were acting a little off, and I felt heavy. Tt occurred to me, you stick to a routine.  I decided then to bring the boys for a swim- I’ve been doing this daily lately.

I see so many other parents out. I seen a dad teaching his daughter about the same age as Cruz puttering about. I seen a mom about my size riding around on floating things with her daughter- having the time of thier lives. Laughing. I see a lot of parents out. Ones with great bikini’s. Some barely fitting their swim suits. Some in polka dots like me- Thanks to George from Walmart. Some others fitting themselves into floating toys and laughing with  their children. I take cue from these mom’s the most.  Like especially who comes to mind is the Anishinabe mom who was floating right on the toys with her daughter who was nearly twelve, having the time of thier lives. Bapee. Lots of laughter.

We have our moments where we are the teacher, or the student. I am a bit of most days. Being in our scenario the other day isn’t about living in fear, or staying home with the curtains drawn. Or even never going back for an ice-cream. Life is about, getting a heads up from a local professional on their insight onto the situation. Its about sharing your experience on Facebook and having twenty so of your” friends” who obviously have taken the time to read your posts to offer their kind wdords, or concerns. Life is that.

Find joy in those moments. Cultivate joy by just being there and letting things happen. Never underestimating the value of yourself. That we are, pretty irreplaceable.

Yesterday, when I played with our children, I was getting cold. I felt I needed some retail therapy, if only ten minutes to a dollar store to poke around and look at things. I needed ribbon to decorate the eagle feathers. There were other things.  When swimming, I looked out of the corner of my eye like I did this morning and seen the lightning. When I looked into the distance I seen all purple and blue, which looked a lot like my late grandmother Adeline, I realized, “hey we are never alone” which is what the woman wrote about in my Guide book, that there are guides that will join you from conception and at points in your life journey. Of course our grandmothers stop into say hello.  This was one of those moments. She truly could have been on the deck knitting away sitting in one of those  empty lawn chairs.  I told my eldest son about my story and he said, you mean “she is like our guardian angel?” Later on I seen a Grandmother Spider where my son was about to jump off the deck in the middle.  I was like Emerson, your grandmother is visiting again, which I will tell the children when I see a spider.

So yesterday turned into the friendly police officer, the friendly front staff, who took good care of our children when we came through, the visitor on the deck, the friendly dad who stopped to talk briefly with us at the pool, the grandmother wrapped in her towel who I had not seen previous, who said “bye” at the pool when she was leaving, the friendly young male who helped our youngest when he got himself into a position as he likes to get stuck as he follows his big brother into awkward situations, this time his head was stuck (momentarily), who responded super fast at our child’s cry. I was impressed.  And then the other friendly kind people we spoke to including the neighbours we ran into at the dollar store.  I tell our children, to find those places, that make you feel good. That is good medicine.

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